#AND THEN TRY TO END ALL MUSIC FOREVER LIKE A FUCKING TROLLS VILLAIN

[dukeofriven]

In our age of uptight prudery and corporations doing everything in their power to strip sex from everywhere in the universe except underwear ads and creepy anime made exclusively for the worst CompSci guy you knew in first-year university, it should be a moral right for a person to be allowed to climb on the shelves of supermarkets in order to reach the speakers and rip them out of the ceiling, throwing them to the ground while shouting SHUT UP SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR MYSELF THINK SHUT THE FUCK UP.

[i-want-anne-hathaway]

*JUMPS THROUGH YOUR WINDOW* GUESS WHAT! IT’S FROZEN DAY!

I purposefully made sure that I got to Frozen today because I think that it’s only fitting. Frozen will be the only thing I listen to today as well as Black Friday but shhhhhh

Okay, so I’m not going to be explaining why today is Frozen day in this post because like... secrecy. But at the same time ask, I’ll explain with the excitedness of a literal puppy.

I have a bad feeling that I’m going to have become so adjusted to the Broadway version of Frozen that I won’t remember what it actually sounds like.

“We will look to you” MR. HAWKINS?!

A Little Bit of You is really fun to listen to, and it makes me wanna bounce up and down aggressively.

WHY THE FUCK AM I CRYING probably because it’s 5:19 BUT STILL IT’S DO YOU WANNA BUILD A SNOWMAN

In the movie, there’s like no ensemble parts, and it’s probably going to weird as fuck hearing that after listening to the Broadway version exclusively.

Ryan McCartan making jokes about Broadway closing is the funniest thing ever. “I was not the first Hans on Broadway, but I was the last.”

Queen Annointed sounds like something my chorus teacher would try to get us to learn with the boys choir, but the girls would end up in the Baritone/Tenor section while the boys were in the Soprano/Alto section.

All of Elsa’s songs are sad as fuck, and I don’t appreciate it.

Dangerous to Dream really makes me want to have like... talent and the ability to sing but alas I cannot.

Love Is an Open Door is a villain song, and you cannot convince me otherwise.

I don’t know what’s happening in that instrumental portion of Love Is an Open Door, so whenever i sing this song I just stand awkwardly like... “what the fuck am I supposed to do here”

Reindeer are better than people. The plural of reindeer is still reindeer, right? Because that’s how it works with the word deer.

What Do You Know About Love is so good and gets the Certification of Bophood™️

Kristoff: *makes valid points about why Anne shouldn’t get married*

Anna: But true love

Okay, on one hand I think that the screaming “puddle” is funny, but at the same time they’re disrupting a performance that is for children, and it ruins the experience for them so you can get a 15 second video.

I have so many stories about the song Let It Go, but my favorite is one time my drama teacher told me to play something really annoying that would piss people off and make the really intense moment not as intense. She specifically said play a song. Now I had no wifi or data in school, so I could only play things I had on iTunes, which is actually all my mothers. And I wasn’t playing gospel music in front of some +100 kids during rehearsal. So I played the only other option... the Demi Lovato Let It Go my mother bought back when I was in first grade. My classmates were literally dying on the floor because it’s the moment where they reveal that they were betrayed by one of their closest friends, and then I’m just tied up in a chair blasting Let It Go.

THE COLD NEVER BOTHERED ME... ANYWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

Hygge is a good song, but it’s also that one song that lasts way longer than it should, which makes me not like it nearly as much.

But at the same time I love chanting “HYGGE” over and over.

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOREVER (REPRISE) WAS AND PROBABLY STILL IS MY FAVORITE SONG. IT’S JUST SO PRETTY! EVERYTHING ABOUT IT IS SO GOOD

Fixer Upper is a bop, but at the same time I don’t like the trolls. I think that this whole thing could’ve been easily avoided if they didn’t teach Elsa to be afraid of herself.

KRISTOFF LULLABY MAKES ME SOFT! HE’S IN LOVE WITH HER, IT’S SO SWEET!

Monster does this thing called breaking my fucking heart. I love that Monster doesn’t feel exclusive to Elsa. It’s not a song that only she can relate to, which is important when writing music. The line “I’ve started a storm” is literal in the show, but can be taken figuratively and applied to a lot of people in real life.

True Love was the one song that my playlist really wanted me to listen to. It was shoved down my throat. And I appreciate that because I wouldn’t have listened to it otherwise.

Listening to this in a freezing cold house is a TIME

“I charge Queen Elsa with treason” bitch, sit down

Elsa is depressed, and I just want to give her a hug.

And the lyrics in Colder By the Minute are so good. Anna and Kristoff call out to each other, Hans calls to Elsa, and that leaves Elsa calling out monster. Or Hans.

AND THEY’RE PLAYING THE TUNE OF DANGEROUS TO DREAM IN THE LAST FEW SECONDS.

Caissie and Patti are Anna and Elsa, sorry Idina and Kristen. Hate to break it to ya.

“And another in my aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabdomen.”

There’s also the deleted song “When Everything Falls Apart” on here, and I actually like it more than I thought I would.

“You hesitated.” “No, I didn’t” “yes you did”

Final Judgement: I really love Frozen, and I also love the musical. And thinks musically wise it does a great job of adding new songs and improving ones already in the movie. There are no doubt going to be problems, but I don’t know enough about the show to properly critique it

[tumblunni]

I JUST REALIZED WHO THIS GUY’S JAPANESE VOICE REMINDS ME OF

Friggin Muchigoro from the sixth One Piece movie! The random half fish half plant probably some human in there somewhere dude who has a pet giant death goldfish and is generally the cutest man on earth

AND THEN THAT MOVIE INCREDIBLY TRAUMATIZED ME

Seriously i still cannot believe this movie even EXISTS, its such a bizarre form of..like..trolling you into accidentally watching a really good movie??? Posters and preproduction material and the art style and the actual name of the thing = “oh its a cute adventure about everyone playing goofy carnival games on carnival island im sure this villain Baron Carnival will absolutely not jumpscare me with something such as for example a sympathetic comic relief goldfish friend remembering that he’s already dead and reliving the process of drowning again while on dry land and you the viewer have to watch every second of it”

SERIOUSLY FUCKIN HELL I STILL MOURN YOU, MUCHIGORO

This film actually turned out to be a FUCKIN AMAZING lovecraftian horror thing where the Fun And Innocent Carnival Games slowly manipulate our heroes into bickering amoungst each other and pick them off one by one with just the excuse of ‘oh he totally abandoned you he wasnt really your friend after all’ (MEANWHILE THE ADORABLE REINDEER MASCOT IS GASPING FOR AIR AS HE’S PINCUSHIONED BY ARROWS IN THE BACKGROUND)

And then fuckin.. super fancy cute mr baron carnival man is actually sacrificing everyone who loses his carnival games to a fuckin terrifying evil spirit of the forest who’s fused to the flesh of his shoulder and whispering dark thoughts into his very bloodstream. And you get to see a fucked up abomination of twisted human flesh fused into a plant stem while our cute happy-go-lucky protagonist cries out that he has no reason to live now his friends are dead and its like WHAT THE ACTUAL JESUS FUCK IS HAPPENING

Oh and at the same time its SURPRISINGLY DEEP and evil carnival dude has a really sympathetic reason behind it all. You see, EVERYONE ELSE ON THE ISLAND IS DEAD! once upon a time he really was just a goofy cute carnival themed pirate dude with a big ol family of funny buddies. And then they all DIED HORRIBLY and this forbidden hellbeast made a pact with him to ressurect them if he murdered other people in return. Yes, everyone having adorable lil flowers and leafs on their head was DARK FORESHADOWING ALL ALONG

So that gets us back around to this super memorable goddamn character! Poor muchigoro!! he’s just a funny doofus who loves his pet fishie and also apparantly his boss. Like he’s really loyal and hero-worshippy to baron festival mc evilplanman, and baron festival mc evilplanman looks so goddamn GENUINELY FORLORN every damn second theyre together. There’s so many foreshadows where this dude is like ‘ha ha isnt every day wonderful when we’re together, im so happy you all enjoy these funny carnival games i made for you to all never be sad ever again’. *looks like he’s fuckin dying inside* jesus christ seriously are we really doing a plot about a suicidal man who lost everyone he ever loved and now he locks himself up with these fake illusions of what they used to be like, struggling with the fact he knows its wrong to kill others to sustain their life but he loves them so much he just cant stop himself AND WHO SAW THIS COMING FROM GODDAMN GOLDFISH HUGS BEANMAN

So yeah GOLDFISH HUGS BEANMAN is your first mega scarring moment hinting at the dark plot. He almost accidentally tells the heroes about whats going on, since he doesnt actually know he’s dead and ends up stumbling into a gap in his memory. And then the Ominous Forest Sentience just fuckin.. revokes his life permissions. Dude drops dead for getting too close to knowing the truth. Incredibly graphically. And then even worse is that he just reappears again later on, back in comic relief mode and apparantly unable to remember anything. He’s all “haha boss thats so weird i fell asleep on the job! I’m totally fine now tho!” and boss dude is like *bittersweet look* “i’m so glad i cant bear to see you without a smile on your face” *casually glances over the fact he just fuckin fed a guy’s soul to the dessicated corpse of his best friend and he just got back up”

And theres loads of equally depressing stuff with all the other equally adorable buddies!! There’s the ring toss attraction with a trio of adorable tiny elderly folks in funny frog costumes, this weird ice hockey/cooking competition combo game with a big scary buff dude who has a soft spot for bunny hair clips, and A LITERAL TEN YEAR OLD CHILD WHO WAS ALSO AMOUNGST THE DEAD

Oh goddd, Gappa is the one that traumatized me second much next to Muchigoro. He’s a cute kid in a goofy DJ costume but also he seems to be the one whose sense of self has most been eroded by becoming a soul-eating hellbeast? He’s introduced adorably trying to steal the hat of one of the protagonists cos he wants to be all cool fashion, and then suddenly out of nowhere his eyes go red and he murders the dude for saying no. And this wasnt even under orders from the boss dude or anything, boss dude just turns up to find the poor kid still staring off into space like he doesnt know what happened. He fuckin ate a dude’s soul and crushed the skull of his friend who tried to avenge him, and was pincushioned by a bunch of swords and just casually pulled them out of his ribcage. So he’s just sitting there disassociating the fuck out! “What did i just do, why did i do that, why did he cut me and i dont bleed?” And boss guy holds him and comforts him and tells him obvious lies about how he’s..just a very strong kid. He’s just such a great fighter that he totally must have dodged all that guy’s attacks. Don’t worry. And its such a brief scene but you get the sense that this must have happened a million times, the kid keeps accidentally ‘breaking’ people and getting close to realizing he’s a walking corpse and because of his father figure trying to shield him from the realization its just fucking up his mental state even more and he’s become the perfect host for the fuckin EVIL NIGHTMARE FOREST GOD THING

Anyway eventually we get to the final confrontation involving every one of our heroes being soul-nommed except one, and he’s barely able to drag his arrow-riddled body across the battlefield to keep on fighting. And the last you see of all the comic relief corpse dudes is them being confused why they feel so sleepy, and dropping to the floor one by one. You get the sense this whole thing is really fuckin desperate, the boss dude must have been running out of people to feed to the horrifying corpse machine and he’s had to deal with his friends slowly dying around him. And there’s this really messed up moment where all the heroes getting soul-nabbed is presented as a HAPPY MOMENT for the cute comic relief guys. You see them all come back to life and be like ‘yay another perfect day at perfect carnival island with all our very non dead friends!’ And then when the hero finally wins and saves everyone, its punctuated by a depressing note of all the funny dudes simultaneously vanishing into dust forever. leaving behind nothing but a bunch of plants growing out of a pile of empty clothes. Like the scariest damn part is how its left ambiguous whether the creepy ass forest god was even really capable of ressurecting the dead or if it was just puppeting a bunch of dolls and imitating what this man remembers of his dead friends. though the fact they were able to act on their own free will and almost mess up the plan sometimes would imply there’s at least some level of the original person still left there. but still theres also the whole freaky scene of Murder Child Does Not Remember Murdering All These People so..yeah. Horrifying ambiguity.

And then it just ends with poor boss carnival dude looking at his bloodstained hands desperately trying to hold together the dead corpse of this god that promised to keep his friends alive. He fuckin HOLDS INTESTINES IN HIS HANDS WHILE SOBBING! And what super extra sucks is that they dont give him any sort of resolution of getting to move on and atone now he’s free of that thing’s control. He just desperately tries to backstab the hero at the last moment cos he’s just so lost in grief for his friends, and thus ends up dying. And the last you see of him is him floating in the void while he hears the sound of the shipwreck that killed his friends so long ago, and fuckin CUTE VOICE OF FUNNYMAN MUCHIGORO welcomes him to the goddamn afterlife. While crying that he wishes his boss was able to move on without him and live a little longer instead.

END

CUE HAPPY CREDITS MUSIC

CUE EVERYONE IN THE AUDIENCE CRYING FOR THE NEXT TEN YEARS

i am sobbing into my keyboard just remembering this, seriously i dont even fuckin LIKE One Piece yet im somehow a giant fan of this one singular filler arc written by some other author. WHERE IS MY ENTIRE DAMN HUNDRED EPISODE ANIME ABOUT THIS PLOTLINE?? it has fuckin NOTHING to do with One Piece either, you coulda replaced the protagonists with the protagonists of any other anime and it woulda worked just as well. Its just like fuckin... Happy Anime Dudes Take A Brief Vacation To An Entirely Different Story About Horror Murder. like i know One Piece does have its own sad and deep stories sometimes but not EXISTENTIAL HORROR OF GOLDFISH FRIENDO

I NEVER EXPECTED TO BE TRAUMATIZED BY THIS ADORABLE BEAN BOY

rip muchigoro

...anyway i suppose i might be subconciously drawn to characters who have anything in common with him cos of the sheer PLEASE UNDO THE HELL YOU INFLICTED UPON THIS FUNNYMANS factor.

also I guess Mr Movien is kinda like his character design upside down. big head mode vs tiny head mode: FIGHT!!!

in conclusion i wish i had not remembered the tears of this